Monmouth County's Ask the Doctor Spring Issue March/April 2018

10 THINGS Parents with Loved Ones on the Autism SpectrumWould Love to Hear What people say: “Maybe it’s a misdiagnosis – I’ve heard they are over diagnosing things these days.”

K I D S ’ H E A L T H & C A M P

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Better to say: “He’s lucky to have an observant parent learning about his needs. Thanks for trusting me enough to share this – I am here for you.”

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What people say: “Are you getting enough time for yourself?” What we wish you’d say – “Can you find time to catch a movie or have dinner out with me next week? If you can’t get out, can I come by?”

What people say: “I got him this gift – I know it’s technically a little young for him, but I thought that it might be more his level.” Better: Call ahead and ask what the child would like, or, when in doubt: gift card.

What people say: “Do you know whose family it came from?” Better to say: Nothing. This is a deeply personal issue and with some disorders it’s still unclear if they stem from genes, environment, or both. Listen only to what the parent volunteers.

What people say: “Life doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle.” Better to say: “So, when can I babysit?”

What people say: “This is an opportunity: You just didn’t land where you expected, but landed. You thought you were going one place, but just ended up in another place. Have you seen that wonderful poem, ‘Wel- come to Holland?’ “ Better to say: “I’m here if you want to talk.”

What people say: “Maybe he just needs a little more discipline.” Better: Recognize that communication – particularly the ability to understand language receptively - can be an issue in some disabilities. This can look very different from the outside; try to resist passing judgment.

What people say: “It’s too bad you didn’t find out sooner. I’ve heard the prognosis isn’t as good if they don’t catch it early.” Better to say: “Can I help by reading up on the current resources and research? I’d be interested in learning more and I’m happy to help fill out forms/laminate PECS/help with your laundry.”

What people say: “I don’t know how you do it.” Better to say:” So – when’s our next playdate?”

What people say: “So how is Junior (child with special needs)?” Not asking about your other kids, family, etc. Better to say: “I love your holiday cards/Facebook posts/email updates. What’s the latest?” For more advice and info please visit www.autism.com

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