Monmouth County's Ask the Doctor

Triangulation in Relationships By Pam Teel

Triangulation is a manipulation tactic where one person will not communicate di- rectly with another person, instead using a third person to relay communication to the second, thus forming a triangle. It also refers to a form of splitting in which one person manipulates a relationship between two parties by controlling communication between them. It may manifest itself as a manipulative device to engineer rivalry between two people, known as divide and conquer, or playing one (person) against another. I’m sure we’ve all been in these kinds of situations before but how far does one go before it escalates above the norm? According to Zari Ballard, a Narcissist Abuse Recovery (NAR) Coach and the found- er of Narcissistic Personality.com, (with many books, radio broadcasts and blogs on the subject), this passive-aggressive manipulation tactic is commonly used by narcissists and sociopaths to instill feelings of jealousy and insecurity in their partners. It’s a tactic by which narcissists can create thrilling illusions of popularity, making them out to be far busier and more socially in demand outside of the relationship than they really are. This narcissistic strategy, like all the others, slips quietly into the relationship over time so that you – the loving partner – barely know it is happening until you to get “that feeling.”

When the narcissist triangulates, victims find themselves feeling jealous of people, places, and things that, under normal circumstances, wouldn’t warrant a second glance. If you’ve always known the narcissist to be a loner, triangulation makes it appear that you’ve been wrong all along. If the narcissist has always had “friends,” triangulation is used to milk his popularity for all it’s worth. Either way, the desired result is that you feel anxious, suspicious, and insecure about every little thing. You may even begin to feel guilty about your jealous thoughts and doubtful of your ability to act “normal.” When and if you do confront the Narcissist about your suspicions, they’ll say your delusional or bi-polar. They will never admit to anything at all. Narcissist always triangulate – even if you don’t know they’re doing it. Patient as always, the Continued on page 12..

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