The Lightkeepers

19

“ Can you tell me what ’ s wrong? What hurts? ” I didn ’ t answer her. Mom let out a heavy

sigh. “ I can ’ t help you if I don ’ t know what ’ s wrong, Rae. ”

“ I ’ m tired, that ’ s all. I just can ’ t get any sleep with …” I paused, the words stuck in my

throat. “ Do you think there ’ s others? ”

“ I don ’ t know. Maybe, but there ’ s no way of knowing for sure. You need to eat this. ” She

handed me the small cupful of granola that Henry had given her. I shook my head numbly. My

mother pursed her lips and sighed. “ Rae, I need you to eat this. Just a little bit. You ’ re dehydrated,

you haven ’ t been eating. It ’ s not healthy, and sooner or later, your body is going to give in. Is that

what you want? ”

“ No, ” I choked on the tears beginning to form. My shaky hand wrapped around the Dixie

cup, and I began picking at its contents. I greedily devoured the granola. After a moment, I spoke

again, my voice thin and crackly. “ I, um, it ’ s difficult to tell wh-what ’ s real … and what ’ s not. I

mean, I know this is real, right now. It ’ s just that the nightmares are so realistic and, in that …” I

paused to take another shuddering breath. I didn’t want to admit this, but I knew I had to, for all

of our sakes. “In that moment, I can ’ t tell. ”

My mother nodded and continued to rub circles on the small of my back. I leaned into her,

resting my head on her shoulder. The sobs shook my body. My throat was scratchy and quickly

drying as my nose ran and ran and ran. Her fingers combed through my hair. I couldn ’ t move. I

didn ’ t want to. If I did, I ’ d be forced to pick myself up, put on a brave face, and march.

“ Here ’ s what we ’ re gonna do, okay? I ’ m going to stay here with you as long as you need,

and you ’ re going to get some rest. I ’ ll be right here. ” She kissed my forehead and leaned against

the stone wall. I curled up with my head in her lap. Her hand rubbed my back, trying to soothe me.

I stared at the shallow cracks in the ceiling, not realizing when my eyes fluttered shut.