The Millstone Times June 2020

KIDS

Teaching Yourself and Your Kids How to Recognize Manipulation By, Stefanie Maglio It’s important that from an early age in life, parents teach their chil- dren that healthy relationships are based upon respect for one another, trust, and security. Everyone has their moments of selfishness, but any- one who is healthy-minded will generally be able to recognize when they’re being completely unreasonable. This should be followed with some sort of fair negotiation or apology. However, life doesn’t always work that way. When people are self-centered, they want everything to go their way, no matter the cost. This means that they turn to manipu- lative behaviors. Here are a few red flags to look out for when trying to spot a manipulator: They twist your words around for their benefit. Manipulators do not own up to their actions. If you call them out on something, they al- ways have a way of turning it around on you, so you feel bad or guilty. They may say something but later deny it. For example, if they say yes to a request or make some sort of commitment to you, they pretend to forget it ever happened later on. Their lies come before your “bad memory” unless you have some way to prove it. They use guilt trips. These are fairly self-explanatory. For example, “You go ahead to the movies without me. It’s fine. I’ll stay home and finish the laundry.” They make you feel like your problems aren’t as important as theirs. They use aggression and or anger to keep control of a situation. Once you are able to recognize these behaviors, it’s important to know and to let your kids know that it’s completely unacceptable. We teach people how to treat us, and by allowing this behavior to go on the manipulator only becomes stronger. Put a stop to it as soon as possible.

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58 The Millstone Times

June 2020