Monmouth County's Ask The Doctor May - June 2021

Ask The Doctor is CNJ’s only magazine that only contains editorial regarding health and wellness.

Monmouth County’s Ask The DOCTOR THE HEALTH &WELLNESS MAGAZINE F R YOU ANDYOUR FAMILY SPRING 2021

Local Physicians Answer Your Health Questions

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OUR DEPARTMENTS Health Articles and Q&A....................5 Your questions answered from local physicians, medical news and information Kids’ Health & Camp......................... 12 Information, news and expert advice to raising healthy children from pregnancy to 18 As We Age.......................................... 17 Articles and physician information just for seniors Family Matters .................................22 Information, resources and news related to the health and well-being of your families future The Healthy Palate........................... 26 Recipes to enjoy and local dining options for eating out Healthy Home................................... 29 Here you will find expert tips to make your home healthier, safe and fabulous

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What is Splitting Defense Mechanism? By Pam Teel

H E A L T H A R T I C L E S A N D Q & A

Splitting is a common ego defense mechanism. It can be defined as categorizing people or beliefs as either, good or bad, positive or negative. It is a black and white way of thinking. Individuals who struggle with split- ting view themselves and their lives in extremes, fail to integrate the complexities and nuances of life into one cohesive whole. Instead, they tend to polarize the world into opposites.

Splitting stems from the inability to grasp the uncer- tainties of what we encounter in day-to-day life. Instead of saying, "It is what it is," people with a splitting ego de- fense mechanism overly simplify things and believe, "It must be good or bad. There cannot be an in-between." Not all splitting is bad. It can help us make sense of the world and make predictions in seemingly out-of-con- trol environments. However, severe splitting can cause damage to not only ourselves but also our relationships. Defense mechanisms are put in place by us to protect us, but often to the detriment of our emotional well-be- ing. They ward off and defend us from unpleasant feel- ings such as unpredictability, fear and shame and any other unbearable feelings or needs we may have. They also give us a false sense of control over ourselves, other people and our surroundings. We aren't aware of how much control they can have over our lives as they can be deeply unconscious but, used frequently, it can result in unhealthy consequences for the individual. Most commonly, adolescents, teenagers, and young adults present with this coping mechanism. People who have gone through childhood trauma also tend to use splitting as a defense mechanism; as a child, they were unable to combine the nurturing aspects with the unresponsive aspects of a parent or caregiver. Those diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) also have a strong tendency to split, categorizing people into either winners or losers. To maintain their self-esteem, they see themselves as virtuous and admirable and those who don't hold the same beliefs or values as beneath them. Finally, this trait is found in people with borderline personality disorder, who are caught between the extremes of idealizing someone one moment and devaluing them the next. Like those with NPD, they are unable to integrate the goodness and badness of themselves and others. Most of us are exposed to splitting from a young age. It is rampant in fairytales and movies where there is a stark split between the "good" heroes and "bad" villains. You may have also witnessed a friend falling in love and becoming hopelessly infatuated, only to notice that they avoid acknowledging their new love interest's unfavorable personality traits. Other examples of splitting include political parties that regard the opposing side as purely contemptible, the very religious that categorize people into the saved or damned, and children of divorce who view one parent as exemplary and the other as despicable. While splitting is common among people and groups in society, the reality is that everything and everyone possesses both good and bad qualities. Even the most detestable person will possess some positive traits. People who have a healthy under- standing of the world acknowledge the layered complexities of people and life. Being in a relationship with someone who sees the world in black and white is not easy. The habit of incessant splitting can cause chaos, damage the people involved, and ultimately destroy the relationship.

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The Rise in Teen Suicide: Apps to Use for Help By, Surabhi Ashok

The years 2020 and 2021 have seen an alarming increase in teen suicide compared to previous years. In addition to the rising death toll, cases of attempted suicide and emer- gency hospital visits have also become more common. Signs point to the coronavirus pandemic and the resulting stress in causing this crisis.

Hospital departments held many visits from kids with mental health issues in April to October of 2020, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Dr. Vera Feuer, the director of pediatric emergency psychia- try at Cohen Children’s Medical Center of Northwell Health, informed that “The kids that we are seeing now in the emer- gency department are really at the stage of maybe even hav- ing tried or attempted or have a detailed plan” for suicide. How has the coronavirus pandemic affected the rise in teen suicide? H E A L T H A R T I C L E S A N D Q & A

For one, the quarantine has resulted in the loss of support services that are offered more easily in-person. Teenagers with mental illnesses rely on the communities they make in school which ensure support and needed companionship. Resourc- es can be hard to come by at-home, so mental health and performance in school has quickly taken a sharp downturn in many teens going through anxiety and depression. It is also a lot harder to build connections with peers, counsellors, and teachers. Kids who need help are not able to get it as quickly, having to go through emails and schedule meetings. How can a teacher reach out if they cannot even see that their student is struggling? Both of these reasons are caused by self-isolation. Not only are schools closed, but general social activities are heavily restricted. It can become overwhelming to realize life at the present is so much different than it was before. Furthermore, life at home can result in even more stress due to job and income loss at the start of this pandemic. "Families who have lost family members, parents who have lost jobs, kids who have lost contact with people who are close to them, children who have experienced some significant challenges at school. All of these experiences are fairly traumatic,” notes Dr. Richard Martini, a professor of pediatrics and psychiatry. Adding to all of this, some teens feel like they cannot talk about their conflicting feelings to anyone, including their parents. This increase in teen suicide must stop. With the rise in teen suicide emerges a multitude of apps made to help teenagers feel supported by their family and friends. One specific app is called NotOK, and was created by Hannah Lucas. Hannah Lucas was diagnosed with postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) at just 15 years old, which meant her heart had difficulty pumping blood to her brain. This caused numerous fainting episodes and 200 absences her fresh- man year. When her classmates bullied her rather than assist her, Hannah fell into a deep depression that led her to self- harm and attempt suicide. The inspiration for her app came from these thoughts and experiences. She revealed in an interview to InStyle, “At that lowest moment in my life, I just wished that I had a button that I could press whenever I was not okay to instantly notify my friends and family that I [needed help].” That is essentially what NotOK recreates.

Continued on page 9...

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H E A L T H A R T I C L E S A N D Q & A

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Working with her little brother Charlie, Hannah created NotOK for teens struggling with mental health. After pressing the digital button, the system sends a text message to at most 5 people you can count on, telling them that they should check up on you because you are not okay, along with your ad- dress. This accessible platform surely saves so many lives. Not only does the software provide mobility for mental health strugglers, it also shows teenagers drowning in their isolation that they are not alone in their obstacles. The app’s, and Hannah’s, motto is “that it is OK to not be OK.” The stigma surrounding mental health issues is large, but with one app at a time, hopefully people feel less afraid to reach out to others and talk about their experiences. Other apps include Calm Harm, which provides methods like Distract to thwart self-harm impulses in kids, and It Gets Better, which showcases vid- eos of people from the LGBTQ+ community that uplift teens who are still struggling through challenges like acceptance.

The prevention of suicide is possible. Do not hesitate to reach out to family, to friends, to teachers, to peers, and to apps online that can relieve your struggles to some capacity. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text HELLO to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. Source: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/02/02/962060105/child-psychiatrists-warn-that-the-pandemic-may-be-driv- ing-up-kids-suicide-risk | https://teenkidsnews.com/after-surviving-a-suicide-attempt-this-teen-and-her-brother-created-the-notok- app-to-alert-your-friends-when-you-need-help/

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The individual who uses splitting as a defense mechanism only thinks in extremes and can have intense emotional experiences. They may unpredictably flip between thinking their partner is an angel and a devil. They may be unable to mix or integrate feelings and thoughts about someone into a whole, and there is no room for gray areas. As you can imagine, this can be exhausting for the partner of a chronic splitter and create a feeling of never being good enough for them. Depending on their needs and desires, an individual with a splitting defense mechanism sees the actions and motivations of their partner as all good or all bad.

Traits in a splitting ego defense mechanism include: • Intense mood swings and constant emotional fluctuations in a relationship • The tendency to idealize a partner, especially in the beginning of a relationship, then condemn them as time pro- gresses • Pushing toward people and then pulling away • Searching for perfection in a relationship • A victim mentality • Black and white thinking • The belief that you are right and everyone else is wrong This information was obtained by, Joy Youell, who has a background in research for mental health support organizations with a special emphasis in addiction, substance abuse and legislative news.

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Moving with your Special Needs Child By Stefanie Maglio

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While moving to a new home can be exciting, there are many factors that can make the process stressful. Adding children to the mix, specifically special needs children can make moving even more challenging. Not only do you have to worry about all the ordinary tasks that come along with moving such as pur- chasing a new home, but also extra precautions must be taken when a special needs child is involved. Making the transition into your new home can be difficult, but getting a jump-start on everything before the actual move makes the process go more smoothly. Finding you child's new school is definitely something that should be done ahead of time. There are many things to considering when choosing a school for your special needs child. Find out if the school has the basic accessibility for your child. Depending on the disabilities your child may have, mobility can be a concern. Visiting the school in person with your child to see if they can get around comfortably may be a good idea. Also, it's important to make sure that you and your child are both comfortable with the personnel. Talk to the special education teachers, and choose a school that you feel comfortable with. Sometimes private schools are a better option depending on the situation your family is in. Not only is finding a new school important, but if the move requires you to switch doctors, it's crucial that you make the best choice for you and most definitely your child. If the current doc- tor your child goes to is able to give you a referral that would most definitely be helpful. However, this sometimes isn't pos- sible due to the new location in which the patient is moving to. Contacting a local disability support group is also a great way to get some advice as well as make it easier for your child to settle into their new environment. Also, when selecting your new doc- tor, remember to send your child's records ahead of time. This will be more efficient as the new doctor will already have your child's information. Sometimes scheduling a consultation is the best way to make a decision when it comes to selecting a doctor. Overall, there are many things to consider when selecting the home itself. Mobility issues, sensory issues, non-neurotypical concerns, and storage for medical equipment are all things to considering depending on your child's needs. However, it’s most important that your child is comfortable while making this tran- sition. This may mean decorating their room. With their favorite TV show characters, or painting it their favorite color. Finding the right bed is also important if you are

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Timmy’s Story A Story About Autism and Friendship By Pam Teel

Autism is a complex, lifelong developmental disability that typically ap- pears during early childhood and can impact a person’s social skills, com- munication, relationships, and self-regulation. It is defined by a certain set of behaviors and is a “spectrum condition” that affects people differently and to varying degrees. While there is currently no known single cause of autism, early diagnosis helps a person receive the support and services that they need, which can lead to a quality life filled with opportunity. April is Autism Awareness Month, and April 2 is World Autism Awareness Day. During the entire month of April, you'll hear about autism-oriented fundraisers, autism awareness presentations, autism-friendly happenings, and special opportunities to recognize people on the autism spectrum. You'll also notice that most people involved with these activities are wearing the color blue which represents those with disabilities. After being misunderstood, isolated, and excluded in school, Timothy Rohrer, a young adult with autism, who became an international sensation at the age of eighteen with his published children’s guide “How to be a Good Influence to People with Disabilities,” has just authored, illustrated and self published his first children’s book titled “Timmy’s Story: A Story About Au- tism and Friendship.”

Banner- Blue represents those with disabilities. Yellow represents those without disabilities. Both colors Mixed together - for Inclusion.

Tim’s work, which is centered on disabilities, friendship, and inclusion, has already made a huge impact around the world. He is excited to see his children’s book come to life. It will be available for purchase on Amazon around Mid- April. A link will be available on his website and facebook page on how to purchase his book at: https://tips4inclusion.wixsite. com/disabilityinclusion and https://facebook.com/Tips4inclusion. “Timmy’s Story: A Story About Autism and Friendship” is a heartwarming story about a child with autism. The first sentence of the book opens the story and sets the tone of the book: “Timmy is a cute boy who is funny and smart but does not have any friends.” Tim uses his character, Timmy, to teach about autism through his eyes and through examples of what he experienced while growing up with Autism. Tim’s vision is for disability education to be taught in schools so nobody has to experience the pain of isolation he had felt throughout his younger life. Tim’s voice is gentle but powerful and very inspiring and he has the unique ability to touch people’s hearts with his words. Tim’s quote, “Even though we are all different, we can all be friends” is the theme of the book as well as the premise of all the work. The main character Timmy may have the challenges of autism, but he likes music, art, and recess just as any child does. Children will learn that just because someone has a disability, it doesn’t mean you can’t be their friend. The illustrations in this book were all hand drawn by Tim Rohrer and the graphics work was created by his childhood friend Anthony San Philips, who also has autism. Tim is a speaker, self-advocate and educator of disabilities and inclusion. He also created Tips4inclusion, and has his own website and YouTube channels that have many resources on there about disability inclusion. Both channels are

named “Tips4inclusion.” He has spoken at schools and conferences and even made his way to the top speaking at the NJ Department of Education. Tim has received a com- mendation from the NJ State Senate and Assemblymen and he is also a managing part- ner of a teen founded non-profit organization, 5HelpFoundation who supports Tim’s message of inclusion. The 5helpFoundation, was started by two Millstone Township teens (Drew and Heath- er Paglia) who started a mission to help people in need during covid, but has since ex- panded to other areas of helping people in need. They asked Tim to be on their Board of Directors for their non-profit as their Autism spokesperson this past August. The siblings wanted to show what true inclusion was by asking Tim to be a partner. You can help them support Tim, who has worked the last two and a half years for free educating and making inclusion resources, by donating to their fundraiser for Tim listed under Autism/Inclusion/Anti Bullying/Awareness & Tips4inclusion, on their website: http://5help.org. All they ask for is a five dollar donation and to tell five friends about the organization, but any amount donated would be appreciated.

Cover of Tim's new book

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Delayed Sleep-Wake Phase Disorder (DSWPD)

In Children and Adolescents Delayed sleep-wake phase disorder (DSWPD) is a disorder in which a person's sleep is delayed by two or more hours beyond the socially acceptable or convention- al bedtime. This delay in falling asleep causes difficulty in waking up at the desired time. Rather than falling asleep at 10:00 pm and waking at 6:30 am, an adolescent with DSWPD will fall asleep well after midnight and have great difficulty getting up in time for school. Most children and adolescents with DSWPD describe themselves as "night owls" and say they function best or are most alert during the evening or night hours. The exact cause of this disorder is not completely known. However, approximately 7% to 16% of adolescents have DSWPD. Thus, it is a common disorder. Scientists

think DSWPD may be an exaggerated reaction to the normal shift in the internal clock that is seen in many adolescents after puberty. It is important to understand that this is not a deliberate behavior. DSWPD most commonly occurs during adolescence, but cases have been reported during childhood; it is rare for it to begin after early adulthood. Symptoms of DSWPD include: Inability to fall asleep at the desired time. This usually presents as insomnia complaints. It may be height- ened by the social pressures teenagers feel to stay up late (homework, internet or cell phone use). Inability to wake up at the desired time and excessive daytime sleepiness. Usually this is the most common complaint because it is more readily evident than the nighttime insomnia. Because of the delay in falling asleep and yet still needing to get up at the required time for work or school, children or adolescents with DSWPD often experience excessive daytime sleepiness as a result of not getting enough sleep, at least on weekdays. Generally no sleep problems if allowed to maintain their desired sleep/wake schedule. If uncomplicated by other sleep disorders, chil- dren and adolescents with DSWPD sleep well through the night with few or no awakenings once they fall asleep. They simply suffer from a shift in their internal clock or sleep-wake cycle. Children and adolescents with DSWPD often sleep well during vacations or school breaks when there is no pressure to wake at a certain time. Sleep maintenance is not an issue. Depression and behavior problems. Children and adolescents with DSWPD may experience depression and other psychiatric problems including behavioral problems as a result of daytime drowsiness and missing school. Daytime drowsiness can also lead to lowered aca- demic performance frommissed school days or tardiness and inattention. Dependency on caffeine, sedatives or alcohol may also be seen. DSWPD is diagnosed based solely on a description of the symptoms and sleep logs. Sometimes a non-invasive wrist-watch-like device called an actigraph may be used to confirm rest-activity rhythms. An overnight sleep study (polysomnogram) may be recommended to rule out the presence of any other sleep disorders. Sophisticated tests of melatonin or core temperature rhythms are generally reserved for research purposes. Treatment for DSWPD involves the following: 1. Good sleep habits. Children and adolescents with DSWPD need to do everything they can to develop and maintain good sleep habits and a consistent sleep schedule. Habits should include going to bed and waking up at the same times including on weekends and vaca- tions; avoiding caffeinated products (coffees, teas, colas, some non-cola pops, energy drinks, chocolates, and some medications, avoiding other stimulants and products that can disrupt sleep (alcohol, sleeping pills, nicotine); maintaining a cool, quiet and comfortable bed- room; and avoiding activities before bedtime that are stimulating (computer games, smart phone, television use). 2. Shifting the bedtime schedule. Treatment for DSWPD can involve one of two methods: advancing or delaying the internal clock. 3. Advancing the internal clock. This method simply moves the bedtime a bit earlier on each successive night until the desired bedtime is reached. For example, setting the bedtime at midnight on one night, 11:45 p.m. on the next night, and 11:30 on the following night and so on. 4. Delaying the internal clock. This method moves the bedtime sequentially 1 to 3 or more hours later on successive nights until the desired bedtime is reached. This requires several days free from social activities and may be best attempted during a long school break or vacation period. The thinking behind this strategy is that it is much easier for the body to adjust to a later bedtime than an earlier one. 5. Staying motivated to stick with the schedule. It is especially important not to lose sight of the goals during holidays and weekends. Adhering to strict bed and wake times keeps the body’s internal clock under control but does not "cure" the tendency toward a delayed sleep-wake phase. Once the desired bedtime is reached, your child or adolescent must stay motivated and stick with going to bed at the desired bedtime on a nightly basis in order to reset the internal clock. Only after several months of sticking to the schedule can there be some flexibility allowed on special occasions. 6. Bright light therapy. Some physicians recommend bright light therapy, which requires the purchase of special light box. Exposing your child to bright light for approximately half an hour in the morning helps to reset the body’s internal clock. Reduced exposure to bright light in the evening also helps. Your sleep doctor will be able to suggest commercially available light boxes. 7. Medications. Melatonin or other natural sleep-inducing drugs are another option some physicians may try.

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Q: LEADERS IN LEAST INVASIVE PAIN & SPINE PROCEDURES How can Platelet Rich Plasma Treatment Help Shoulder and Knee Pain?

A:

Platelet Rich Plasma erapy also referred to as PRP erapy, is a progressive non-surgical treatment to treat a variety of conditions including arthritis, ten- don injuries, and ligament injuries. PRP is part of a group of state-of-the-art treatments collectively referred to as Regenerative Medicine. PRP treats an injured area naturally using your body’s own growth factors to accelerate healing. It has been shown to be safe and e ec- tive for numerous joint and so tissue injuries. It has been extensively researched in numerous medical journals and publications all over the world. Some of the many uses of Platelet Rich Plasma include osteoarthritis (degenera- tive arthritis) of the spine, knee, shoulder, hip, hands, and feet, as well as menis- cus tears, plantar fasciitis, and rotator cu tears. e procedure is simple and is performed in the o ce. e PRP process begins when a small amount of the patient’s blood is removed from the arm and placed into a special container. e blood is then placed into a device called a centri- fuge which spins the blood to help the separate the portion of the blood which becomes concentrated with platelets, thereby giving the procedure its name. ese platelets are important because they release growth factors to recruit stem cells and to assist in healing an injured area naturally. Once the PRP is isolated, it is injected to the injured area under the guidance of an ultrasound machine to help accelerate healing and reduce pain.

is healing works on the simple principle that your body is perfectly capable of healing itself. Your blood contains all the essential components that the body produces to repair tissue damage. Each time you have an injury, the platelets in your blood along with growth factors, stem cells, cytokines, and other elements create a sca olding on the site. e damaged tissues use this framework to regenerate and repair. e entire process takes approximately one hour, and pa- tients are sent home the same day. Patients on average report more than 50% improvement in 6 weeks and up to 100% improvement in 12 weeks. is may eliminate the need for more aggressive and expensive treatment options such as long-term medication or surgery. In a recent study, researchers at Hospital for Special Surgery gave patients with early osteoarthritis an injection of PRP and then monitored them for one year. A er one year of the PRP injection, physicians evaluated the knee cartilage with magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). While previous studies have shown that patients with osteoarthritis can lose roughly ve percent of knee cartilage per year, the Hospital for Special Surgery investigators found that a large majority of patients in their study had no further cartilage loss. At minimum PRP also prevented further knee deterioration.

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The Thymus: A Forgotten, But Very Important Organ By, Lauren Kowlacki Medical science seems to be on the threshold of a revolution. It seems possible that in twenty years, doctors will be able to replace organs in the human body like parts in a car. This is thanks to the recent achievement of a team from the Medical Research Council Center for Regenerative Medicine in Edinburgh, Scotland - the group of researchers tried to regenerate the thymus gland in mice. The thymus gland is an essential organ for the development of the immune system, but very few people have any idea that it exists. The thymus gland is a small organ behind the breastbone that plays an important function both in the immune system and endocrine system. Though the thymus begins to atrophy (decay) during puberty, its effect in "training" T lymphocytesto, also known as T-cells, to fight infections and even cancer lasts for a lifetime. In the literature and also in people's awareness, the fact is often that the thymus controls and harmonizes the entire im- mune system and the immune functioning of the organism. It is the primary donor of cells for the lymphatic system, much as bone marrow is the cell donor for the cardiovascular system. It is within the thymus that progenitor cells are created and then undergo maturation and differentiation into mature T-cells. The thymus gland is located in the mediastinum, behind the sternum. It is composed of two identical lobes. Each lobe is divided into a central medulla and a peripheral cortex. The thymus is at its largest and most active during the neonatal and pre-adolescent periods. After this period the organ gradually disappears and is replaced by fat. In elderly individuals the thymus weighs 5 g. The tyhmus sheds new light on this import- ant immune defense organ, whose function is not confined to the destruction of nonfunctional T-cells. The thymus gland lies in the chest, directly behind the breastbone (sternum), and in front of the heart in the area between the lungs called the anterior mediastinum. Sometimes, however, the thymus gland is found in another (ectopic) location, such as in the neck, the thyroid gland, or on the surface of the lungs (the pleura) near the area where the blood vessels and bronchi enter the lungs. It is named the thymus due to its shape being similar to that of a thyme leaf—pyramid shaped with two lobes. The two lobes of the thymus are broken down into lobules. These lobules have an outer cortex occupied by immature T-lymphocytes, and an inner medulla occupied by mature T-lymphocytes.

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Question: Why Do Seniors Experience Weight Loss? By, Lauren Kowlacki Elderly people often find that they drop the pounds much more easily than they did when they were younger. While this may have been desirable in the past, now it's concerning because too much weight loss poses health risks. Elderly people should work with doctors, nurses, speech pathologists, dietitians and family members to ensure they continue to enjoy eat- ing nutritious foods that help them maintain a healthy weight and enhance their well-being. Loss of Appetite Lack of appetite can be an emotional response to changing life circumstances. People who move to a retirement home may be disoriented by the changes in their routine and find that eating is not a priority until they get their bearings. Those who experience a loss of independence, decline in health or decrease in social activities may feel depressed and have less motivation to eat. Illness and Medications When chronic health conditions set in, the risk of weight loss increases. In addition to illness-related depression and lack of appetite, medications that list weight loss as a side effect play a role. Add these to any treatment -- such as chemotherapy -- that causes nausea or vomiting, and there will be a significant decrease in food intake. The impact can last longer than the treatment, too, as elderly people may develop food aversions based on what they were eating around the time they felt sick. Body Changes Changes abound during the aging process, including loss of lean body mass with resulting decrease in muscle. Metabolism slows down, which may cause elderly people to eat less than they once did. There is an increase in the hormone that causes fullness, so hunger is not as strong. The senses of taste and smell are weaker, so elderly people may say that foods don't taste quite the same as they did before. Difficulty Chewing and Swallowing Losing teeth leads to difficulty chewing, limiting the kinds of foods that are manageable for an elderly person to eat. Swal- lowing difficulties can occur with various conditions and treatments, such as stroke or cancer. It is not safe for a person with swallowing dysfunction to eat just any kind of food, as the food could go down the wrong way and cause choking or lung infections. Elderly people who have difficulty chewing or swallowing need special diets to minimize risk.

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The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Family is Share Your Story By, Richard Squires, Writer, Editor, Publisher and Speaker

The story of Your Life is priceless. When your chil- dren and grandchildren understand what joys and challenges you experienced on your journey, they see themselves as part of a larger narrative. It’s a fact: people who know more about their family have bet- ter emotional health and happiness. They feel what’s called the “intergenerational self ” (Feiler, 2013). I’ve experienced this myself. Growing up, I listened to my grandfather’s life stories, especially his adven- tures flying fighter jets in the Pacific during World War II. I marveled at the raised scars on his leg, and I felt fortunate that he’d been brave and lucky. One day, midway through my second master’s de- gree in writing, Grandpa asked if I would write his story. He’d begun but realized it was no easy task. He preferred to speak it and let me edit his words. “Absolutely!” I shouted. Over the next few weeks, I learned a lot about Grandpa, and our bond strengthened from solid to gold. Of all the stories he shared, one gave me the a-ha moment that changed my life and inspired me to launch LifeStory, my memoir writing business. On many of Grandpa’s missions sailing across the skies, the enemy launched projectiles that ex- ploded in the air and sent out flak, shards of met- al. During one battle, the flak hit Grandpa’s plane and tore a massive gash in the fuselage. Pieces went into Grandpa’s leg. They also went into his co-pilot’s head, killing him.

Grandpa bailed out, parachuting down through gun-smoking chaos to land in the ocean, where sharks surrounded him and other soldiers. Holding onto their radio flotation devices, which they called Mae West after the beautiful—and curvy— actress, they waited for the Coast Guard to pick them up, and hoped the sharks wouldn’t creep closer. Thankfully, Grandpa suffered no further injury, and was eventually rescued. The intensity with which Grandpa relived this story thrilled me beyond words, and I could see it benefited him to know it would be captured in his words as part of his legacy. It made me feel as though his story is a part of my legacy as well, that my “intergenerational self ” has a rightful and important place in history. At LifeStory, I do for my clients what I did for Grandpa—I write their memoirs. The benefits span the generations and strengthen the families. If you’ve been thinking about writing your memoir, or are looking for the perfect gift to give someone who already has everything, reach out to me. I’d love to write your story.

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